If I could turn back time,what would i do...

hurm..

I thinks,if I have the power to turn back.. there are many things that I want to do..there are many of them..If I describe it all,maybe some people will think that I'm discontented with I have right now.. But,these are some I would like to do..before that.. Some of the story begins likes this.. I'm..... Still remember that precious moments... The sweet memories that I'm not telling to peoples everyday... Memories dat cannot being replaced with money,tears,blood or even your life. I will keep this things to guide,remember...That,i had lost my dearest arwah "tokwan"...

This lost happen when I'm still studying at KPTM in semester 2...Actually,I had already lost my arwah "tok midah" and arwah "tok zain" in Langkawi.but that is not very hard compared to this because I lost them when I was a kid..thiss.

Although we cannot talk about dead people but this blog is just to relieve my pain rather than I burst into tears...I actually a very heart-melting person..you never know..uhuhuh

back to the agenda,I received a call from my father that arwah had passed away...I'm shocked until death when i heard the news..Suddenly,my tears falling rushly through my chubby cheeks and I could not say anything then just hearing my father's calm voice...

Actually,for your information..arwah is the kindest n warm person...

I still remember the hard,rashy,warm hand.the hand that I'm always salam to greet my arwah.It is one of the moments i will remember everytime i went to his house..

The hard n rough surfaces hand,we can told that arwah had been a hard working person when he was alive and I knew it..because my father told that,his family were having a hard times during my father n his siblings when their young times...but,time passes by...they lifes becomes more easier when they married and having a stable jobs...I still remember the arwah voices,the old,white t-shirts he always wearing...Oh god...how painful it was when someone we loves had leaving us for forever...I cannot imagine if someday my loved ones especially my parents may left me..

I knew it...

I knew it...that's will happen to me...but...ALLAH..Please give me more times to spend and pays their sacrifices to me...I want to be a child,a child that will not leaves them and my family behind..

The day I received the news about arwah...The whole day,I been crying non-stop...

Thinking if i could go back to my home town to pay the last visit to arwah....but...I know...I could not been there...Kedah is not 2-3 hours journey...Kuantan to Kedah is a long journey then..

Nowadays,when the Hari Rhaya arrives...

the kampung is a little bit quiet without arwah especially the times giving the angpau..heheh...

Although the amount is too much but I'm really appreciated it...

I still remember...each of the envelope...the last Rhaya,the last angpau he gave to us..He already wrote his grandchildren'names on it...

Although the spelling is wrong but the pronounciation is 90% same with the original names...when he gave the angpau...I still remember that,he told that "blajaq rajin2"...with that warm smile...oh god....How could I replaced that smile with anyone else...How pain it could be to lost someone we love...

In the future,,when I have a stable job,I would likes to buy something good to my beloved ones.Include my arwah but...god love arwah more than I...He passed away without saying good bye to me first...Oh god...nobody could replaced him in my heart...Actually,I'm easily loves and takes care to somebody likes friends...They are everything to me...Although I'm hurt...I don't care..As long they are happy..I'm also pleased to see them happy...So....

If I can change something,I would like to change myself into someone that my family,friends that they can proud of..